For me (personally) I have panic attacks thinking she is going to be forgotten when she is still so apart of me and my life every second. I want to talk about her, hear her name, acknowledge I have two daughters and not just one, etc. Yes, I'll probably cry, but I cry regardless and mentioning or asking questions won't make me more sad.
I encourage those grieving to let people know what you personally need and for those wanting to help someone to ask. They may need space, they may need someone to check in on them without expectation of a response, they may need someone to tell them they aren't crazy, they may need a shoulder to cry on, etc etc etc. Recognize that grief is a crazy rollercoaster. At the beginning I remember cycling through every single emotion every five minutes of every day. It is an extremely exhausting and emotional ride. You may need to ask them how they REALLY feel a few times throughout the day or weeks or months.
Family and Friends helped and continue to help us during our experience and we will forever be grateful for them. They have helped give us light during our darkest moments, days, weeks, and months. I have listed service we were provided that helped bring us light below:
- Prayers and Fasting.
- Reaching out to God for the benefit of others is such a blessing. God delights in seeing us help one another and knows we cannot always do things on our own. He wants to bless his children and by seeking His help unites the efforts of everyone involved. Unity provides power and strength.
- Fasting can be defined as abstaining from food and drink for two consecutive meals, however it is more than simply going without food. We fast for a particular purpose and the act of personal sacrifice allows us to draw nearer to our God and can help work miracles around us.
- Prayers and fasting are so incredibly important. Without this I know I also wouldn't have made it and left my family without a mother.
- Continue to do this even after the dust has settled and life for everyone else has resumed. Those grieving will continue to grieve and their life will still feel shattered.
- Lend a listening non-judgmental ear.
- This journey can be incredibly lonely. Emotions and pain never felt before may be present and they might want to get those feelings out without judgment or a solution.
- I personally have felt emotions at times that I was very embarrassed or ashamed of because they were so unlike my normal self. Luckily I've had so many amazing, non-judgmental, understanding people in my corner so I don't have to always bottle those feelings up.
- Lend a helpful hand.
- Listen to and recognize wants/needs and volunteer to do them. Organizing a funeral was the last thing I ever expected or wanted to do, but I'm glad I was able to share my wishes to make it as perfect as possible for Primrose and have others willing to make it happen.
- Meals, babysitting, running errands, etc. were so helpful. Grief can be paralyzing and not having to think of what to cook or have a day/night to not have responsibilities were much appreciated.
- Follow promptings/intuition/feelings.
- If you have a thought to help, even if it seems silly or odd, do it anyways. These are special promptings from God that you are entrusted with. There is a reason and you may never quite understand why, but they are important to those in grief.
- People who have followed those promptings have provided us with much needed tender mercies.
- Pray to receive them on their behalf, listen, and follow through. God usually provides them at crucial times they need them the most.
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