Half of a year. The longest half year in my entire life without you Primrose. Every minute very aware of your absence hurts more than I knew possible. However, I think this is the first month of feeling a small sliver of hope. Not thinking, not wishing, not just praying for it but a split second of true light hit my soul. I don't even remember why or when, but it happened. It didn't last long and it was surrounded by many many dark days but it was there. And that is something to celebrate and give thanks for. I don't think it's coincidence it came just in time for your half birthday in heaven. <3
This month you taught me and opened my eyes to the people around me. The people I know and the ones I don't. I realized the heartache I'm feeling is felt in many situations which is quite a heavy realization. Some (too many) like ours and some much different, but all with the underlying hurt that life isn't what we planned. It isn't what we imagined and it may never be. Yet time and time again & situation after situation life keeps throwing me the same message found in Proverbs 3:5-6 which says,
[5]"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding."
[6]"In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct they paths."
I may need this as a constant reminder to fully get my heart there, but I'll get there. Slowly but surely.
Because ultimately I know I need my path directed by Him.
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